Spring Memories

written Spring 1998
for M.A.

Unsigned letter found under a pillow

This letter is pointless,
we speak everyday

but
I wanted to tell you,
without having to tell you,

I'm afriad you'll be
in my dreams tonight.

It always happens,
recurring nightmare,
I dream of someone and
POOF!

they disappear,
just like flowers

at a cheap magician's
last performance.

Imagining you have disappeared
from my sight,

like a hummingbird
after the first frost,
makes me shiver.

I think I would miss
that freckle on your lip

and the way you smell
the crook of my neck
when I'm cooking.

This letter can't say
anything you haven't
already heard my hands

say when they
run across your eyebrow
and laugh.

I keep wondering if
you are an illusion,

a fun house reflection
that will befuddle the fingertips
when they reach out
to touch you.

You always
surprise me --

calling when I
least expect;

standing in the doorway
in the exact moment
I'm thinking of you;

by not being
the immature
football player

I was afraid you might be.

I don't like sleeping
alone anymore.

It's comforting to know
the face I wake up to
mid-sleep

is flesh,
and not the reflected
remnants of a dream.